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Tag: communication

Setting Boundaries: The Art of Saying “No”

Posted on by Gary Ly

Discover how setting healthy boundaries with children can help families communicate their needs and build stronger, more respectful relationships.

Saying “No” to your child can sometimes lead to tears, tantrums or endless negotiations. On the other hand, hearing “No” from your child can be equally frustrating, especially when you have their best interest at heart. Parents must balance firmness with empathy, making space for their children’s feelings without compromising on their stand. However, setting boundaries is easier said than done. But with the right approach, families can learn to communicate their needs, respect each other’s limits and build healthier relationships.

What Are Boundaries?

According to Psychology Today (2022), boundaries are where individuals draw the line between themselves and others. During the Parent Workshop “No is a Two-Way Street” held on 21st October 2026 at the Vo Truong Toan campus, Ms Mili Manek defined boundaries as the emotional, physical and mental space between you and another person that enables connection without collision.

Photo: “No is a Two Way Street” Parent Workshop led by Ms Mili Manek, a Mental Health Counsellor and Educator with over 20 years of experience.

There are three categories of boundaries: Personal boundaries refer to physical space; mental boundaries relate to your thoughts, values and decisions; and emotional boundaries are all about your feelings and needs, and how they interact with others.

As Ms Mili emphasised, it is important to build and maintain healthy boundaries not only to protect your peace of mind, but to prevent exhaustion or resentment, along with having mutual respect and emotional safety with others. Recognising when boundaries are crossed can also help us better understand our own needs and limits. Signs of crossed boundaries may include feeling uncomfortable or guilty, experiencing invasions of personal space, or feeling pressured to please others at your own expense.

Becoming aware is the first step towards change. With the help of communication frameworks shared by Ms Mili, parents can learn to set healthy boundaries and communicate them with confidence and empathy.

Explore highlights from Ms Mili’s Digital Balance Parent Workshop.

The B.A.L.L. Framework: The Art of Saying ‘No’

Photo: Parents respond to questions about setting boundaries with children during an icebreaker game using “Yes” and “No” cards.

When asked if they felt a surge of anxiety right before saying “No” to their child, most parents at the workshop raised their “Yes” cards, highlighting the emotional challenges that can come with setting boundaries.

The B.A.L.L. framework offers a practical approach to saying “No” clearly and respectfully, helping parents communicate their limits without unnecessary guilt.

  • B – Boundary: State your “No” clearly.
    Example: “No, you can’t have more screen time today.”
  • A – Acknowledge: Validate your child’s feelings or needs.
    Example: “I know you want to keep playing, and I understand that it’s hard to stop when you’re having fun.”
  • L – Limit: Give brief context without overexplaining or making excuses.
    Example: “It’s already past your screen time limit for today.”
  • L – Leave: Offer an alternative or another opportunity.
    Example: “You can continue playing tomorrow after you’ve finished your homework.”

Saying “No” does not mean dismissing your child’s feelings or shutting down the conversation. By setting clear limits while acknowledging their emotions with empathy, parents will show children that boundaries can coexist with care and understanding.

Photo: Practical phrases for setting limits, expressing discomfort and responding calmly.

The S.M.I.L.E. Framework: The Art of Receiving a “No”

Setting boundaries with children goes both ways. While parents teach their children to communicate their needs, they must also model how to respect the boundaries of others. Receiving a “No” gracefully encourages children to practice empathy, develop self-awareness and communicate respectfully. These skills can support their mental health and strengthen relationships both at home and beyond.

The S.M.I.L.E framework is a practical guide to receiving a “No” with understanding and respect, helping parents navigate responding without sounding defensive.

  • S – Stop: Pause and take a breath before reacting emotionally.
    Example: “I’m feeling upset, so I’ll take a moment before responding.”
  • M – Message: Separate the rejection from your self-worth. A “No” is not necessarily a reflection of your value as a person.
    Example: “It may be about timing, not me.”
  • I – Inquire: Ask gentle questions to understand the other person’s reasons, without pressuring them to change their answer.
    Example: “Is it because you don’t have the time right now?”
  • L – Learn: Reflect on the situation and consider what you can take away from it.
    Example: “I could have asked earlier.”
  • E – Evolve: Accept the response and move forward without dwelling on it.
    Example: “Thank you for letting me know.”

Learning to say “No” and accept it in return takes practice, but are crucial to building stronger relationships and setting boundaries with children. By setting a good example, parents can teach their children to express themselves honestly and let others do the same.

As Ms Mili reminded parents, “No is not rejection, it’s redirection.”

Sometimes, accepting a “No” simply means recognising that another path may be worth exploring.

Photo: Modelling healthy boundaries at home helps children build respectful relationships with others, including their peers at school.

Putting Boundaries into Practice

Setting boundaries is a skill that extends beyond parenting. The B.A.L.L. and S.M.I.L.E. frameworks can assist in conversations with friends, colleagues and other family members, allowing us to express our needs while respecting those of others.

Start by being intentional with how you communicate your needs in everyday life. Express them before frustration builds, take time to rest without feeling guilty, and be clear and respectful when explaining your limits rather than expecting others to guess how you feel.

A strong bond between parents and children is built on trust, understanding and respect for each other’s needs.

Remember that building healthy boundaries takes time and practice. Parents can begin with one situation at a time, focusing on what feels manageable and following through consistently, even when it feels uncomfortable. As these habits become more familiar, mutual respect will become a more natural part of family life.

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References

Understanding Safeguarding – What Parents May Not Know

Posted on by Gary Ly



Keeping children safe is everyone’s responsibility — and it starts with understanding what safeguarding actually means.

According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), six in 10 children under five years of age are still exposed to forms of child maltreatment. The consequences extend far beyond childhood and can ultimately slow a country’s economic and social development (WHO, 2026).

These realities highlight why safeguarding must be an ongoing commitment embedded in school culture, staff training, family partnerships, and clear reporting structures. It begins with every adult in a child’s life knowing what to look for and how to respond appropriately.



Students learning in a respectful, inclusive environment supported by a strong school safeguarding culture and child protection framework

Safeguarding vs. Behaviour Management: Understanding the Difference

One of the most important distinctions in child safeguarding is understanding when a situation calls for behaviour management and when it calls for a safeguarding response. The two require very different approaches.

Behaviour management focuses on the process of guiding and influencing an individual’s or group’s actions. It utilises proactive techniques and psychological frameworks to minimise disruptive actions, encourage positive habits, and create structured, supportive environments in classrooms, clinical settings, and the workplace (Keenan, 2025). Child safeguarding, on the other hand, focuses on protecting children from harm, promoting their well-being, and responding appropriately to concerns about their safety or welfare.





Mr Noel and Ms Aundrea (AHI Vice Principals) leading the Coffee Morning session on safeguarding at Anne Hill International School on 1st April 2026

At Anne Hill International School (AHI), this distinction was a key theme during our April Coffee Morning on “Safeguarding at AHI”, led by Vice Principals Mr Noel and Ms Aundrea on 1st April 2026. They explained to parents that behaviour issues and safeguarding concerns are not the same. Educators and caregivers must first identify the nature of the situation. This helps them respond most appropriately and effectively to protect the child. A one-size-fits-all response may not meet the child’s actual needs.

Recognising Signs of Abuse: Why Patterns Matter

Children rarely disclose harm directly. More often, signs a child needs safeguarding support emerge gradually as patterns of behaviour over time rather than single, obvious incidents.

The Adverse Childhood Experiences studies, conducted by the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention (2026), demonstrate that early experiences of harm, neglect, or instability have measurable impacts on brain development, emotional regulation, and long-term health. Children who receive timely safeguarding support, however, show significantly better outcomes.



By noticing changes in behaviour, distress, social challenges, and ongoing patterns, we can better recognise when a child needs support

This is why safeguarding training places strong emphasis on consistent observation. As shared during AHI’s Coffee Morning, children’s behaviour is not always a one-time reaction. Sometimes, it reflects a repeated pattern that needs attention. A recurring change in mood can be a sign. Unexplained absences can also raise concern. Some children may withdraw from friends or become less engaged in class. A single incident may not seem serious on its own. However, repeated changes over time may show that a child needs support. Recognising these patterns is a core skill in recognising signs of abuse and neglect, and is something both school staff and families play a role in observing.

How Schools Handle Safeguarding Concerns: The Process

Effective safeguarding in schools follows a clear, consistent school safeguarding process to ensure every concern is handled fairly and thoroughly. At AHI, this process follows four structured stages:

Listen → Record → Report → Act

At the centre of this process is the Designated Safeguarding Lead (DSL), a trained staff member responsible for managing all safeguarding concerns within the school. The DSL coordinates with relevant authorities, ensures careful follow-up at every stage, and leads the school’s response according to established safeguarding policy.



Safeguarding begins with listening, reporting, and taking appropriate action through clear procedures led by the DSL, with careful follow-up every step of the way

A strong safeguarding policy is built on several key principles. First, all concerns are taken seriously, even when they may initially appear minor. Information is then shared only on a need-to-know basis, with confidentiality handled appropriately. Any actions taken must be proportionate and followed up, stage by stage. Staff who receive proper safeguarding training understand that safeguarding is not about making quick judgements or assumptions. Instead, the priority is to ensure that every child receives the right support at the right time.

The Role of Home – School Partnership in Safeguarding

Child safeguarding is not the school’s responsibility alone. Parents and caregivers are key partners in keeping children safe, and open, trusting communication between home and school creates the complete picture. What a teacher observes during the school day, combined with what a parent notices at home, gives both parties a far more accurate understanding of a child’s well-being. This is why it is so important to share concerns early, communicate openly, and avoid spreading rumours.

Effective communication does not just connect us; it protects our children.

Research by Lloyd et al. (2023) found that children in families with open communication practices were significantly more likely to disclose concerns early, before situations escalated. With that in mind, Mr Noel shared several practical tips for parents on how to talk to children about safeguarding at home:

  1. Stay calm: A composed adult response reassures children that it is safe to keep talking.
  2. Avoid assumptions: Listen fully before concluding.
  3. Reassure children about speaking up: Let them know they will not be in trouble for sharing concerns.



Through open conversations, empathetic listening, and thoughtful questions, parents can create safe and trusting environments for children at home and at school

When Safeguarding Concerns Turn Out to Be Misunderstandings

It is important to acknowledge that not every safeguarding concern leads to a serious child protection issue. As discussed at the Coffee Morning, what may seem serious at first can sometimes be a misunderstanding or a friendship conflict that simply needs guidance and support from caring adults on both sides. This is why safeguarding processes are so important. Through careful listening, appropriate checks, and thoughtful follow-up, schools can take concerns seriously without overreacting.



By raising concerns early, communicating openly, and avoiding rumours, families and schools can work together to better support children’s well-being

Safeguarding is a shared responsibility between schools and families. It requires ongoing care, communication, and commitment. By keeping children’s well-being at the centre of every decision, we build not just safer schools, but stronger, healthier communities.

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References